How to Speak Zombie

How to speak Zombie – A guide for the Living is a book anyone should pick up when you are going to try and wander around in the zombie-controlled wastelands of the future. Why risk not fitting in, when a single mispronounced Rarrrgh might make the difference between making it to your next safe point, and becoming the meal for the roving packs of undead? You might be able to change your appearance so that you look like them, but when it comes down to it, you are not a zombie, so you need to know how to see the signs, and speak the language, so you too can blend right in with your new zombie neighbors.

How To Speak Zombie - A guide for the Living

Steve Mockus has produced a great way of introducing zombie fiction to young readers, and old readers alike that just wish to brush up on their own entertaining pronunciations for acting like the zombie swarms. This is a colorful book, set up like a page-by-page teaching book for young kids, picturing cutesy little zombie figures going around their days, talking to each other in their own language. If you have a little zombie fan growing up in your household, or just are trying to make one for your family, this is a great way to get the little one in on the rest of the zombie craze.

Not only does this guide have a pronunciation guide, so you will know the difference between “RAHHHHhhh!” “Rawr,” and “Raaaah,” it also has an electronic sound module built into it, that will go through each section and contribute an audible example of each sound so that you can repeat it and learn along in the book. The voices from the sound module are clear enough for this relatively inexpensive book, and many readers will end up in fits of giggles from trying to match the fun sounds.

Steve Mockus also does well by adding additional little text excerpts in each section that will help with the language skills of the book. It isn’t just enough to know the various sounds, after all, if you don’t know when to use them. Sure, you may know that you want to call for brains, but get that call for brains wrong, and it might be a zombie deciding your brains are the tasty ones. The illustrations are fantastic though, and go along with the text very well as Mockus makes the zombie apocalypse fun and colorful for a younger generation.

That is really the conclusion for this particular book; it is for a younger generation of zombie lovers. The comedy behind the book will tickle the funny bone of an older reader for a while, but there is not a lot of content here to satisfy more intense zombie fans. If you are looking for a book that you can read with your young one, to get them ready for a future loving zombie fiction, this is the perfect way to start.

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The Zombie Truck

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Check out the zombie truck. All set to take out any zombie mob approaching.

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Rites of Passage

rites of passage zombie

Nicholas knew that something was very wrong, and resented his parents for their deception. His eighth birthday, his long-awaited trip to Disneyland with his best friend, was abruptly cancelled with a thin excuse and he was no longer permitted to watch his beloved cartoons. His mother, who rarely appeared to be happy anyways, spent more time alone crying quietly while his father hammered found planks of wood across the windows and doors.

Nicholas was terrified- more so because he didn’t know why.

His parents had moved him into their own bedroom the same night they stopped sending him to school. Desperate for the answers denied to him, he pretended to sleep in order to listen in on their whispered conversation.

“We need to get out of here,” he heard his mother’s soft voice from the cracked door of the bathroom.

“And go where?” replied his father. “This isn’t something local. You’ve seen the news, there’s nowhere TO go.”

They argued for a brief moment before returning to the bedroom, the dispute apparently unresolved. Nicholas drifted into a nightmare-rich sleep in between his parents.  Without a target for his fears, every childhood terror waited for him in his dreams.

..

He was pulled from his sleep by the feeling that something nearby was very fundamentally wrong. His eyes slowly became accustomed to the dark as his ears strained to make out the sounds from outside. What he heard from the bed was a low moan, as though someone were in pain, and the sound of something dragging across dirt. With the hubris possessed only by a child, he crawled from his parent’s bed and crept across the floor to the window. His heart was pounding as he moved the curtain aside and peered through the narrow spaces between the thick boards.

Outside was what his young brain could only conceive of as a ‘monster’. Lit by the unearthly moonlight, he saw something resembling a man, but broken and covered in blood. He… it… his mind reeled with the thought ,as he was unable to comprehend exactly what it was that he was seeing, hoping that it was merely a continuation of his nightmare. The creature stopped in front of the window and turned towards the terrified child, leaning in close on broken and mutilated legs. Through the window, Nicholas could hear the tearing of muscle and tendon as the thing moved its broken body to face him, as though it was able to sense that he was there..

When it lunged against the glass, an involuntary scream escaped from Nicholas’ lips as he fell backwards and scrambled into the bed, crying and hiding between his parents. His mother and father sprung to their feet, woken by their child’s scream and the sounds from the window. As his mother consoled him, his father carefully approached the window and peeked through the side curtain.

“Shit…” he muttered. His father never swore, at least not in front of Nicholas, so the unexpected language only served to amplify his fears. Whatever was outside sounded desperate to get inside; it pounded on the window until the glass began to break, and then shatter. The offensive smell of rot and chorus of pained moans floated in on the air.

“How many?” his mom asked, choking back tears as she wrapped her son in a blanket and lifted him into her arms.

“I don’t know. A couple, I couldn’t tell,” his father replied as they scurried towards the front of the house. “Let’s get to the car an-” he stopped in mid-sentence. The same sound, the relentless pounding, was coming from the front door as well. He studied whatever he could see through the peephole. “Shit,” he said again. At each window, they could see the same.

It was then that the screaming began. The first seemed to come from the street outside the house, but it wasn’t possible to tell for sure. The scream was distinctly female, a panicked, blood-curdling sound, followed by a rapid series of gunshots. Then another scream… then silence. There were more, coming from nearby houses, until only the moans of the creatures outside could be heard. Somehow, that sound alone was worse than the screams.

Nicholas saw that his father’s eyes were beginning to tear; more than the monsters outside, his father’s tears frightened him. He buried his head into his mother’s chest and wept frightened, bitter tears, until the sound of snapping wood and shattering glass startled him back into attention.

“The bedroom!” his mother screamed, dropping Nicholas into the recliner and running towards the back of the house.

Nicholas looked to his father, who was cradling a small revolver with shaking hands. Summoning his remaining courage, he met his eye and asked, “Daddy… Are we going to die?”

His father knelt next to his son, looking him in the eye as his mother appeared at his side. “No, Son. You’re going to be fine,” he said with an insincere smile.

“What about you guys?” Nicholas asked with a shaking voice.

His father didn’t answer, instead scooping him into his arms and bringing him to the large, thick chest that sat against the wall. “I want you to listen to me and do what I say,” he said as he opened the chest and began unloading the contents; the quilt that his grandmother had made before she died, family pictures, his bronzed baby shoes- each was thrown to the ground. “You stay in here, and you don’t come out until it’s absolutely safe. Do. Not. Look,” he said sternly, accenting each word. “Do you understand?”

“But-”

“Do you understand?” He said again. The sound at the doors and windows was growing deafening. A crash came from inside the house.

Nicholas nodded. His father hugged him tight, and then kissed him on the forehead. His mother did the same.

“I love you, baby,” his mother cooed.

“I love you, too,” Nicholas choked, tears streaming freely down his face. He laid down in the chest and his father closed the lid before inserting the large key and leaving it in place, closing off the hole though which Nicholas may see. He didn’t turn it, however, leaving the chest unlocked, which Nicholas couldn’t understand.

Without the benefit of vision, his mind was left to construct the images to match what he was hearing. His father screamed, and Nicholas jumped at the deafening sound of two  rapid gunshots. “In the head!” he heard his mother shout before a third shot erupted. There were grunts and shouts, then screams followed by the sounds of shattering glass and splintering wood. Something fell near the chest with a dull, wet sound, knocking the key from its home.

The sound was his mother.

Her mouth was working as she tried to scream, mouthing words that Nicholas couldn’t hear. Half of her face was stripped of its skin, exposing the delicate network of veins and muscles underneath, and her eye hung uselessly from its socket. Nicholas covered his mouth to stifle a scream when another face came into his view. This one was that of an old man, with graying skin and dead eyes. Its lips were missing entirely, exposing black gums and teeth stained with the crimson red of his mother’s blood. Hungrily, it tore at her neck, pulling flesh from muscle and ripping at the veins that ran through the delicate skin. Nicholas locked eyes with his mother’s remaining one as the life drained from them. In a moment, other monsters descended on her body, feasting on the remains.

Eventually, the sounds stopped. The creatures stopped feeding, and moved through the home. Behind the body of his mother, Nicholas saw the still form of his father, covered in blood and torn flesh. Nicholas wept bitter, angry tears, until the room was silent and still. Cautiously, Nicholas crept out, hoping against reason that his parents would be okay, that they would somehow wake up.

As he sat on the floor, hoping and crying, he saw movement. His father’s hand opened and closed, briefly, so subtly that Nicholas wasn’t sure if he had really seen it. Then, his leg twitched, and his eyes flew open. “Daddy!” Nicholas cried, diving next to his father. “Are you okay?” His father didn’t answer, instead reaching for Nicholas, grazing his arm with cold hands. Nicholas knew then that his father wasn’t okay- seeing instead the same dead, dull eyes as in the monster that killed his mother. “No… no… no,” he cried, willing it not to be true. He backed away as his father rose to his full height, unhinging his jaw and releasing the same unearthly moan that they had heard before.

Then Nicholas saw it- the gun. He remembered what his mother had said before she died and pointed the pistol at his father with shaking hands. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” he whispered as he pulled the trigger. His aim was off, sending the round into his father’s opened chest, sending a pink shower of blood and flesh into the wall with no effect on the thing that used to be his father. He aimed again and fired. The creature’s head snapped backwards as blood and brain exploded through the back. He stood for a moment, like a horrific statue, until he collapsed onto the floor and was still.

In shock, Nicholas walked to his mother and pressed the gun against her temple. Already, her eyes were open- in them, only death. “I love you,” he said as he pulled the trigger. Her body convulsed once, and then was still.

Nicholas was now alone in a terrifying new reality. He had become a man before his time, and resolved to survive. As he peered out into the street, seeing that it was still, he knew that the world had changed forever, and him with it. He tucked the empty pistol into his pocket as he went back into the house, his young mind already planning for the lonely days ahead.

–Chris Cox

Chris writes horror stories of all types although Zombie writing is his favorite. Get your own unique custom story here.

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A Brave New World

Ok so this image was created for me using my own face and zombifying it. The following story was also custom written for me personally, by a talented guy who writes stories for people for 5 bucks.

As the world fell into chaos, and the human race found itself down a notch on the food chain, there was another world that seemed to grow with each passing day as the citizens barricaded themselves away from the infected.  It was a new world where you could be anything and do anything your mind could fathom.  You didn’t even have to be human anymore.  Michelle used to be a young woman from Calgary Canada.  She had all the trappings of a normal person, with a job, a boyfriend, a family, a life.  Now she was transformed.  In this new world, Michelle was a level 85 Gnome Warrior that went by the name of Punky Bruiser.  In this place, the dead could be dispatched by the simple casting of a fire spell or with a well-timed swing of the sword.  Perhaps this is why Michelle, and millions like her, escaped the horrifying reality just outside their doors in exchange for something better.  A new life, a new reality, and a new world.   A World of Warcraft.

It seemed to take no more than a week before the T.V. stations went silent.  There were still a few Emergency Broadcast radio stations active, but those were disappearing too.  There seemed to be only one place left for information, and that was the internet.  Many of the servers that were the backbone of the web had gone dark.  Every day, more and more sites were gone, and with that, less and less information about the new plague that had turned everyday men and women into ravenous beasts tearing through the streets of Calgary, devouring everyone in sight. There were only a small percentage of the world’s servers still functioning, and incredibly, the World of Warcraft servers appeared to be untouched.

As the other sites disappeared, millions of people took to the World of Warcraft, and gathered in droves in all the major cities in all of the videogame continents.  Some were there to spread news, others to hear it.  Some tried to find surviving loved ones, screaming out their names as they sprinted down the pixelated streets.  Then there were others, like Michelle.  She no longer concerned herself with the latest news.  It was all downhill at this point, and she knew it.  Instead, she would choose to soar high above it all.  She watched the peculiar and treacherous expanses of Azeroth zip past her computer screen as she rode on the wings of her epic flying mount.  Up here, no one could hurt her.  Here, she was a Warrior’s Warrior.  A slayer of man and beasts who’s bloodlust knew no quenching.  Here, there were no ravenous corpses just beyond the sliding bolt.  Here, she was free.

She was just landing in the pirate city of Booty Bay, when she heard the thing out in the hallway as it began to howl and scream for her blood.  She tried to drown out the sounds of those rotting fists slamming against her door, but the monster would just scream louder and louder.  Thankfully her boyfriend had bought her a pair of noise cancelling headphones for her last birthday.  These did a fine job of, if not blocking, at least greatly calming the terrible sounds from the apartment hallway.  She was trapped here, but she just didn’t care.  She had better things to do than worry about the things she couldn’t do anything about.  She had dungeons to ransack, dragons to exterminate, and more treasure to collect than could even fit in her bank vault back in Stormwind.

Days went by, but Michelle never left her computer unless it was for food, sleep, or a quick trip to the toilet.  She’d given up on waiting for the rescue that she knew would never come.  As further days passed, Michelle began to hear more of the creatures outside her door.  They must have known she was there somehow.  Worse yet, that night, she laid awake in terror at the horrible scratching noises coming from inside her walls.  The louder they seemed to get, the louder she’d turn up her headphones.

The scratching stopped during the daytime, but the pounding fists and brutal growls of the undead never ceased.

One morning, she was awoken to the sounds of a man outside the apartment building, begging for help and screaming in distress.  Michelle walked to the window just in time to see this large man, covered in fur balls that seemed to pulse and move.  She stared at the man flailing his limbs as he squealed in sheer, torturous agony.  It took a moment for her to recognize these small patches of fur covering the man’s body.  They were rats.  That man was being swarmed and devoured by an army of rats.  Michelle doubled over in pain and began vomiting violently.

Michelle had hated rats since she was a small child.  At 6 years old, Michelle had been left in the sandbox for only a minute while her Mother used the bathroom. When her Mother returned, she found her little girl screaming in terror.  She was bleeding from her hand, and when little Michelle pointed to the corner of the sandbox, her Mother saw the massive rat that had attacked her young child.  Her mother beat the rat to death with the heel of her boot and then threw the smashed corpse into the trashcan out behind the house.

She could almost feel that stinging pain in her hand again, even all these years later as she stared at the throbbing, fur covered mound now lying out on the pavement.  She was about to go lay down when the rats all began streaming away from the body of the man.  What she saw then sent violent shivers to her very core.  He was nothing more than a bit of muscle, flesh, and sinew attached to bones.  Somehow, the rats had devoured him like little furry piranha.

She tried to move away from the window, but her feet seemed glued to the spot.  She watched to the bitter end as the last of the rats scuttled away from the blood red skeleton until it just laid there unmoving.  She watched in further horror as the gore streaked collection of bones began moving on its own.  It could only seem to raise its head slightly, and move its legs just inches in limited directions.  How could that even be possible?

Plague rats.  They would feast on the corpses of the dead, and then bite the living, thus transferring whatever disease that killed their previous meal to their current snack.  But these rats moved too quickly.  They darted around like mad.  It was then that Michelle realized what she was looking at.  The rats weren’t just plague carriers this time. The rats were missing pieces of fur, flesh, and muscle in certain spots.  The rats were just like the walking corpses in the streets.  They had come back, and now they were hungrier than ever.

Michelle went to her cabinet and found an unopened bottle of whiskey.  She pushed around a few glasses trying to find her shot glass, but finally gave up and just took the whole bottle with her to her computer.  She sat in front of the screen and smiled at her alter ego who didn’t seem nearly as negatively affected by the end of humanity as Michelle was.  She tipped the bottle back and took an enormous swig of the burning sweet liquid.  She coughed hard as she moved the mouse pointer over Punky Bruisers title on the character selection screen.  She clicked the mouse as she’d done a thousand times before, but this time, a small window popped up on the screen announcing that the server was not currently available.

She sat there, staring down her monitor as the tears began to well up until they tumbled over the edges of her lower eyelids.  This was her only way out, and now they’d taken this away from her as well.  Michelle was racked with sobs as the tears continued to flow down the sides of her face.

She sat there crying in front of her PC for what felt like hours at the loss of her only and last companion.  Losing Punky hurt her more than it did her Boyfriend, her parents, or even her roommate.  Punky was Michelle’s last place she could hide from the reality of what was going on around her.  Michelle flipped off the power switch on her tower, and again reached for the bottle of whiskey.

She was about to tip back the bottle when she heard that horrible scratching again.  She tried to drown the noise out of her mind by taking another massive gulp of the brown liquor, and then stumbled over to her bed.  She collapsed onto the mattress face down, and cried silently into her pillow.

She laid there shaking gently, knowing exactly what horrible things were that were clawing out the insides of her walls.  She could hear them getting closer.  They knew she was there.  They could smell her blood just waiting to be lapped up from her shredded veins and arteries.  They would have her, and she knew there was no escaping, so she tipped the bottle up to the ceiling and swallowed as much of the bittersweet liquid as she could before gagging and coughing up a mouthful of the liquor back onto the bed spread.

The scratching now seemed to be resonating from every wall in the apartment.  It was coming from behind the light fixtures and even through floor and ceiling.  She was surrounded by hundreds of infected childhood nightmares that sounded just inches of plaster away from sinking their teeth into her soft pink flesh.

With no viable options left, Michelle realized that if she could down the entire bottle of whiskey before the rats bored through the walls, she might not even feel it when the end came.  She sat up, took a deep breath, tipped the bottle towards the ceiling, and poured the liquor down her waiting throat.  She managed a few swallows of it before coughing a bit more up on the bed.  She took another steadying breath, and right as she was about to take another belt off of the bottle, she heard the plaster crack and crumble from across the room.  This was followed immediately by the sounds of dozens of tiny clawed feet scratching against the hardwood floor.

Michelle pulled the comforter up over her head and laid down on her side, still clutching the half drank bottle to her chest.  She took another sip as she felt them moving over the comforter and crawling all over her body.  As she felt their surprising weight, she shook with an anxiety she’d never known before.  She went for one more sip when she felt the fur of one of the infected rats brush against her foot.  She screamed as she felt its razor sharp incisors biting and tearing into the soft fleshy padding of her foot.

The whiskey didn’t work.  The pain was excruciating, and in a heartbeat, she threw the blanket off of her, sending dozens of decaying little creatures flying through the air.  Her feet hit the ground running, but they were already leaping up onto her, piercing her flesh with their teeth and claws.  She tried to shake them off, but for every one she managed to send tumbling away, three more took its place.  She left the bedroom and headed towards the hall, but with every step, she felt slower and heavier.  She stumbled down her hall and past her bathroom, when what she caught in the bathroom mirror stopped her in her tracks.  Her body was covered in dozens of these things, and she was soaked in her own blood that seemed to gush forth from numerous flaps of now hanging skin.

Michelle both could not, and would not believe what she had just seen.  She turned quickly from the mirror and headed further down the hall towards the front door.  In her extreme suffering, she suddenly had the idea that if she could just make it outside the apartment, the rats would all let go, and she could run to freedom.  She moved as quickly as she could towards the door, but with every step, her body seemed to weigh pounds more.  She took another step, and as she tried to take a deep breath, one of the little beasts pushed its way into her mouth, and began gnawing the hell out her tongue.

Michelle didn’t think twice about it, she just bit down as hard as she could, and then spit out the head of the infected rodent and little bits of her tongue that rolled about in her mouth when her teeth ground to a close.  A few more steps and she’d be out the door.  She reached for the doorknob, but suddenly couldn’t hold herself upright, and tumbled forward to the floor.

The rats were pouring in now from numerous holes in every wall in the apartment.  She could feel their combined weight pressing her to the floor, but still, she could almost reach the doorknob.  As her arm hung in the air, stretched towards the brass knob that separated her from life and death, dozens of infected vermin latched onto that arm, tearing away flesh at an incredible rate.  Michelle was able to finally get her hand around the doorknob, but by the time she did, she realized she no longer had the strength to even turn it.

Michelle let go of the doorknob, and let her rat engulfed arm thud heavily to the floor.  She watched at the rats now crawled across her chest and up to her face.  Two rats began playing tug of war with her bottom lip.  She watched as the skin began to tear away from the rest of her mouth, but then couldn’t bear to look another moment.  She needed to escape.  She needed a different reality.  She needed to be somewhere that she could defeat her enemies, and she knew just the place.

The agony of the thousand tearing sensations that had engulfed her entire body now seemed to fade to a mere tingling, as in Michelle’s mind’s eye, she could see her Punky riding atop that flying mount, soaring over canyons, jungles, and deserts.

As she imagined her alter ego rising above it all, she suddenly felt herself become weightless and untethered.  The rats must have gone, because now she felt lighter than she’d ever felt before, and though the sun seemed to be setting, casting darkness over the land, it didn’t matter, because up here, no one could hurt her.  Here, she was free.

–written by Josh “Radio” Hedge

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Sick Zombie

sick zombie

Found this particularly sick zombie so had to share.

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